Why I'm Scared

1/23 What scares you about dreaming? What scares you about your personal God-sized dream?

We learned in the last post that I have dreams of being a writer. A real-life, isolated, paid-for-her words writer.  Thinking about writing for a living clothes me head-to-toe in the clashing wardrobes of exhilaration and horror. Like dreams do. They bring out the best-worst in us. They are confusing and a little bi-polar. 

When I sat down to think about what scares me so much about writing I came up with a list half-a-page long of draining fears. Naturally, I had no desire to write this post after reading that list. But here I am. Even though writing calls me to be vulnerable, invites comparison to any and every writer around, and makes me feel ridiculously ill-equipped- I write. And I dream of writing more. Writing better. Writing fuller.

Dreams produce fear. The lack of control, the risk of failure, the foggy outcomes, the unstable environments, the try-try agains- all of these bullies talk us out of dreaming everyday. 

But in the midst of all these fears, one surfaced more than others. One so scary in my heart that it keeps me from putting words to paper and words to blogs more than anything else.

Creating welcomes critique.

Writing, before it is a job or a hobby is a creative process. It is creating an idea or whole slew of ideas out of nothing. Where there was once nothing- now there is something. That seems to be creating in a nutshell.

And yet, in our fallen, broken, discontented world we feel it is our duty to critique every form of creation around us. Think about how harshly we pick apart God’s most prized creation: human beings. We assess, measure, judge and poke at ourselves and other humans relentlessly. What God once declared beautiful, worthy and perfect we destroy with our words and improvements.  Fearfully and wonderfully made? I beg to differ. Want to know all the reasons why? Critique. Critique. Critique.

Chances are some portion of your God-sized dream has to do with creating. It has to do with bringing something out of nothing. Adding value where there is none. Bringing beauty where all people can see is wreckage. Solving a problem through creative thought, or doing something impractical or irresponsible so that joy and purpose can rush through your veins in ways it never has before. We are all meant to create because we were made in the image of an exceptionally creative God. He created, therefore, we long to create. But this critique mountain… it stops so many God-sized ideas at the base. We glance up at the cost and climb and say, “No thanks. Safe, stable and shielded sounds just fine to me.”

There’s a verse in the Psalms where the writer looks up to the mountain ahead of him and in a self-pep-talk kind of way asks, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord- the maker (or creator) of heaven of earth. Mountains are to be climbed. But not by ourselves. Fears are to be confronted. But not by ourselves. We have the help of the first-ever creator of the universe to face critique head-on and create anyway. 

Say this verse over and over out loud today. May it fuel the God-sized dream and leave the critiques and critiquers along the way voiceless and powerless. 

So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?”
— Hebrews 13:6

Revisit your God-sized dream today. A huge part of getting our part right in this world is doing exactly what we were created to do. Despite fear or critique. Ask your people about their God-sized dream and use your words and your knowledge of them to dispel fears on the spot. We can each move forward towards our calling today if we live in truth and create anyway.