3/10 Who were you 10 years ago? How have you changed? How have you remained the same?
A decade. Yikes. Now that I have been alive for three of them it seems reasonable to measure life in decades. How did I get here? Most days I very much think I am twenty-five. And I am very, very much not. But I like that I'm not.
I look at photos of twenty-one-year-old Kristin and I smile a compassionate smile that seems to say, Oh honey, you were doing the best you could, but you had no idea, did you? I have a suspicion my forty-one-year-old self will look at the current-me the same way. Eyebrows raised, understanding nods, but so glad to be past those years.
Ten years ago I had just turned twenty-one. I could officially, legally drink, though the first few years of college had made me officially disinterested. I had just began dating a baseball player named Austin. I went to physical therapy multiple times a week to strengthen my atrophied muscles after back surgery. I spent most days outside in the Arizona sun by the pool in between classes with a sorry amount of sunscreen on my body. I lived with two volleyball teammates- Rachel and Colette- still two of my very favorite people to this day. I dreamt of being a high school teacher and looked forward to Wednesday nights where I got to see my best friends and make-shift ASU family at FCA.
Ten years ago I had just begun taking God at his word. I had just begun actually reading his word. Out of broken-heart, broken-back necessity I had just begun a regular 'quiet time' with him in the mornings before practice. I talked about God with Austin and regularly on coffee dates with others around campus. I think of the innocence and new-budding faith of my early twenties and I smile, nostalgically- missing the gentle ease and believability of my relationship with God.
But, ten years ago I had no idea who I was. I had trouble talking about God with people who didn't believe in him. I backed down from honest conversations with Austin- not knowing how to engage in 'real-talk'- terrified of him not liking me. I knew I was a nice person, but had no idea God specifically created me to step past niceness into full-blown, Christ-like loving-kindness through words and deeds to the people around me. Even with tall teammates and roommates I slouched in public- unsure and often ashamed of my height. I spent most of my energy tip-toeing around the feelings of others, fearing any kind of rock-the-boat uncertainty in my friendships.
I have changed in ten years. Jesus has changed me- through time, circumstance and his spirit. I am more sure every day of who he has created me to be. I love honest conversations now. I love how tall I am. I easily can talk about Jesus with almost anyone. Time. Circumstance. His spirit. They are the fuel behind those changes.
So how am I the same? I still laugh hard with my people. I still love Jesus deeply. I still am somewhat infatuated with Austin Stockfisch. I still believe in the power of gathering like-minded athletes weekly for the glory of God. I still go out to coffee with people. I still take selfies (now with a phone,) I still am best friends with many of the same girls. I still am me. Just hopefully more like Jesus than the twenty-one-year-old version.
What about you? Venture down memory lane. Where were you and who were you ten years ago? How are you the same? How are you different? Share below or around the dinner table tonight.