3/6 Can you describe yourself in five words?
Is this hard for anybody else? As I thought in a coffee shop- blenders running in the background, Remi in her carseat by my side, I thought about me. Exactly as I am. Not what others perceive or who I used to be. Who I am. Today. And unlike answering this as an interview question for a job, these words didn't have to be the shiniest, prettiest parts of me.
So I picked out words that seem the most me. At my core. Today. Like almost every human quality, each one has a good side/bad side thing going on. But ever since I wrote this post I have noticed how much more aware I am of the good/bad parts of these words. Which story am I telling today? Let's pray it's the good.
Intentional- Having two kids kicked me in the shin when it came to intentional. I got away with being intentional when I had one child. Since Remi joined the Stockfisch ranks there simply isn't time or capacity to be intentional all the time with both of these chicks. I am an in-the-moment person and that is a good thing for the person I'm in front of- but it can leave things undone everywhere else around me. For whatever his purpose- God made as a lady who puts thought behind everything I do.
Adaptable- I believe this is largely a product of how I grew up. The Trayser's were flexible. Change of plans? No big deal. Running a little late? No problem. Not feeling it today? Maybe tomorrow we will. I am not rigid in plans or even opinions of people. I can adapt pretty well to my environment (Thank you Lord because you have this thing where you move us across the country every few years.) But adaptable has also fed into my love of people pleasing. Ensuring the other is always comfortable- I will 'adapt' to the point where I am no longer true to who I am.
Curious- Hence all the questions. I'm like a toddler. I want to know WHY about everything.
Encouraging- When I take a spiritual gifts test this is always my number one. I am certain God made me to encourage his people with words, hugs, even kind smiles. I know that is how God does his most powerful work through me. God loses out in glory when I choose to shrink back and not use this gift. But when his spirit is flowing- I never feel more alive than when I can encourage someone.
Worried- This one is new. Or maybe I'm just now aware of it. Becoming a mother has made me a worrier. It is the one side-affect I'd most like to medicate and drown. I am constantly wondering if everyone is okay. The house feels cold- is Remi okay? Ry seems sad in the car- is she okay? She is acting out a lot more these days- is she okay? She's cried a LOT today- is she okay? And you know what? Sometimes the answer is going to be NO. They're not okay. And it kills me to even write this- but I won't always be able to make it okay either. Worry has caused sleep to decrease and stomachaches to increase. The upside to worry is how much I care, but that seems to be the only positive. If there were one of the five qualities I want to pray to ditch in my 30's- it is this one.
Whatever your 5 may be- know that your inner-self was CREATED. God put thought and intention and has answers to our 'why's'. Let's give him credit today and live as true to our inner-self as possible.