4/24 Where Are You Faking?
I can still remember which corner of Cheryl's couch I slouched down into when she first asked me this one-two-punch question duo. She brought it up very casually. No transition. We were probably talking about basketball or the chilly autumn weather right before. But then. Bam.
Where are you aching and where are you faking?
Last week I answered some of my heart's current ache. And this week, I let you in to some of my heart's current fake.
What I love about this question is the assumption behind it. We automatically assume the other is faking somewhere. Hard truth, but truth nonetheless.
The good news? Admittance of ache has washed away a lot of the charred fake of my heart. But my heart is a sham a lot of the time. There are insincere pockets everywhere.
So here's one pocket: my knowledge of what's going on. I have this weird desire to appear 'so in step' with God's Spirit that I am in constant awareness (and agreement) of exactly what he's doing. I take a great amount of pride in my 'ability' to articulate the movement and action of God in my life. I fake in the ways I present just how close he feels to me sometimes. I live in a pressure-cooker false-reality that if I don't know Jesus well or feel incredibly in sync with him, others' faith journeys will inevitably suffer. This is equally absurd and unnecessary.
So sometimes I fake the good in order to ensure 'everyone else' stays in a good place around me. As if that were up to me to control or manage.
But, on the flip side... this IS a pretty amazing season I'm experiencing with God. One of great discovery and worship. It isn't everyday though. And I fake in those days.
Help me, Lord to be as real with the people around me as I am with you. Free up my heart to express the fake so there is room for even more truth deep in my bones. Your truth. The truth that sets me free.
What about you? Where are the insincere places of your life/heart? Where are you faking? Who could you tell/confess this week?