the hesitant creative
Back in 2009 my best friend, Katie, and I started a blog together. It was the only way either of us would’ve felt brave enough to write online. (Now she is plenty brave and you can read her amazing words here.) Since then I have started and stopped several blogs, writing projects, and ideas. I love the process of starting something new and getting to see how long the inspiration will stick and produce good fruit.
So here we are. Once again ready to embark on a new project. One focused on creativity. But this one feels different from the others. Even though I wrote from a place of newness and naïvety, I desperately wanted to be the expert. I wanted to be the one with the wisdom, with the answers, with the life lessons that had already been learned and therefore, once recalled, were able to be tied up nicely for others to digest.
But this project is different.
I am the opposite of an expert on this one. I am a new pupil. Like a Kindergartener. An afraid, and awfully timid young thing who knows she should ‘be here’ but also just wants to crawl in a corner or ask for my mom.
It has been in me to want to create and identify as a creative person. But sports, life and my own false personal narrative got in the way of believing I could belong in this club.
But then God gave me daughters. Young ones. Who fear the things I think are silly and stand fearless where life makes me quiver and crumble. Like in their own creative self expression.
I’ve learned so much by watching them. And want so badly to return to the spaces their hearts and minds go freely.
So this online writing space will be a documentation of this hope. This journey. To see if I can begin to peel back the layers of my 33-year-old callused heart to be able to produce simple or elaborate things everyday that spark joy in me and nod relentlessly to my creator.
I didn’t want to call this space the hesitant creative because I didn’t want to admit to my hesitancy. I wanted to go for it! PRETENDING I had no fear, apprehension or insecurities. Or perhaps admitting them to myself and to God, but never, ever to you.
But that’s not where honest creative expression will start. It will start at the truth. The truest parts of me- tapping into the truest parts of you.
Read more, if you’d like, in the about section.
May our commitment to creative lives ignite a connection online and in person like we have yet to experience.
With love, some fear and the tiniest bit of dread,